MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
