I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
