I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
