i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
