oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
