My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
