Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
