it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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