@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
