If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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