i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize