At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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