what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
