Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
