If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
