do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
