I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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