Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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