The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
