is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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