I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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