it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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