My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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