I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
