he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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