smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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