I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
