I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
