This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
