Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
organizing the empties. That sober.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
