Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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