yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize