woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
