I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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