i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
worst night to have a conscience
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
