I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
