All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want nice things and good sex
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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