My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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