Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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