Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
