woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
