you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
