My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
