and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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