I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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