Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
