I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
