He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
