my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
