how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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