did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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