bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
