I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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