My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize