whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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