a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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