I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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