let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
