wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
