Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
