some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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