Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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