Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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