I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
