Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
