that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
